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Friday, May 16, 2014

Believe This And You Are Nuts IV!   Posted on May 16, 2014    Comments ()

The election results are out.


A lot of the incidents that happened within closed doors during one-on-one meetings went unreported.


I am making a wild guess as to what might have happened during one particular meeting.


Rashtrapathi Bhavan, May 13 2014


Sonia Gandhi enters with a broad smile, greets Pranab Mukherjee with a slight bow and a Namaste.


President Pranab:


Oh! Hello! I got a message from my sources in Research and Analysis Wing that you emerged from the back-door of your residence. You entered through the front door here. The closed circuit cameras have spotted you as have others. Why do this seemingly meaningless thing?




Your Excellency Pranab, you too did something seemingly meaningless and possibly politically diabolic soon after Indiraji’s murder against Rajiv. And it was that seemingly needless bit of political Hara-kiri that made you the President of India.


President Pranab


What I like about the Italians is that they are blunt and to the point while uttering a barbed repartee. So how can I help you?




I am not exactly in the pink of health these days and my doctors have been asking me to visit their clinic for a further check-up. I postponed the visit due to elections.


President Pranab


You do not need my permission to do go abroad.




The opposition has been saying that I have used public funds for private health check-ups and want to know the details of my illness. That is my private matter. Would it be possible for you to make an announcement whenever needed – asking whoever comes to power to keep off people’s personal lives please?


President Pranab


You need to understand 3 things clearly, Madam Sonia. Firstly, I act only on the advice of the elected government and therefore, I cannot do something suo motu. Secondly, if you have used public funds, the people are entitled to know what the illness was and how justifiable it was to get treated abroad. And thirdly, as a former Finance Minister, I know the rules. In the ex-officio capacity, the Comptroller and Auditor General has the right to examine the papers pertaining to public expenditure. That said, I have a minor doubt. Why are you so scared about revealing the basic details of your illness?




That is something extremely personal.


President Pranab


Is it as personal as the visit of your daughter Priyanka Gandhi Vadra – to meet with Rajiv murder convict Nalini Murugan in Vellore – travelling 5000 km on a single day to be precise on March 18 2008? I am told Priyanka neither paid homage at the Rajiv memorial on the way – nor did she offer worship at what is known as a Golden Temple – despite some silly news agency saying so. All sorts of idiot sections of the media said Priyanka had forgiven her father’s killers. Six months later, Rajiv’s daughter told Barkha Dutt that she had not forgiven the killers. And when she was asked for the reason for the visit, Priyanka said, like you are saying now, “it was extremely personal.”




You are mixing things up, Mr President. Priyanka went at her own expense as a private citizen and met someone of her choice. Priyanka felt that it was personal so personal it shall be. There was no public money involved. In my case, I may or may not have used public funds. If the CAG wishes to lose hair and/or sleep over it, I will return the money just like that woman ex-cop Kiran Bedi did. What is the big fuss? Can’t you be kind to a lady … who comes in with a simple request, Mr President?


President Pranab


You must be politically wise enough to know that I am not naïve to dole out free lunches. If your request was that simple, why go through the charade of emerging out of the backdoor from 10 Jan Path? And what is so sacrosanct and hush-hush about your getting treated abroad now? It is yet another check-up isn’t it? Or are you seriously, terminally ill? In that case, you could have used that to win the elections, Madam Sonia. So, the illness is not that serious. That leaves only one possibility. You are scared of remaining in India after what seems like the impending electoral loss. So you are resorting to flight and want a fig-leaf protection from my office – when the heat gets hotter against what the current opposition and future ruling clique feels – as unholy methods of personal wealth acquisition.




As you have no respect for a woman’s privacy and do not wish to accede to a simple request from a lady, I feel unwelcome here. Remember, it was I as the President of the Congress and the head of the United Progressive Alliance and the National Advisory Council – who made you the President. And you are not even grateful.


President Pranab


Everyone is entitled to have his/her – and after the recent Supreme Court ruling – the third gender’s – or more correctly – hiers opinion.  In my opinion, you never opted for any constitutional position vide which you would have to answer to the People of India that is Bharat. Now, I still do not know whether you are going abroad at all. If you do decide to, will you be going for treatment or to settle down permanently is something I am not aware of. And in case it is the latter, you are merely trying to find a scapegoat in me – to provide protection to private wealth believed to be stashed abroad – under a blanket ban on the media – requesting them not to pry into your private illness. Let me take this to its logical conclusion, Madame Sonia. If there was nothing to hide about the illness, you would have flaunted that to get votes. The drama after the parliament session that necessitated your sudden hospitalisation turned out to be nothing more than a headache induced by a common cold. Your trips abroad for ‘treatment’ were all alibis – being created for your ultimate flight. This is something all of us here in India have been aware of. Now, you want to ensure that India is never able to ask the important questions through me. Let me tell you one thing very clearly Soniaji! Other Presidents of India were very, very pliable. I am a proud Bengali Brahmin. Unlike other Brahmins, Bengali Brahmins are not vegetarians. And there is another species from that part of India – the Royal Bengal Tiger. Now the word Tiger is bound to raise your hackles as it will bring back all those unanswered questions about Rajiv’s assassination. I am more or less sure this will be our last meeting, Sonia. Good bye. I will not wish you luck to retain your ill-gotten wealth.


Sonia leaves without a word.

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